Life Changes

Dear Kiddos, I swear that after I wrote the last post you two teamed up, escaped out of your rooms during the night, logged on to the internet and read my post.  Out of the kindness of your heart you both filled to the brim and then overflowed the last two days with all the blessings I wrote about in the last post.  I drove to church with you two in the car, trying to hold back tears as I tried to figure out what I could do differently so the days go better.  I have to be honest, I have no idea.   You have done nothing really wrong just being toddlers and infants and needing so, so much of me.  So you are on par developmentally.  Being a mom is really, really exhausting.  As I write this I don't even know just what I want to communicate because I gotta be honest, I still feel a lot exhausted and stressed. Here is what I do know.  Sunday went like this:  Daddy left for work at 6:30 am.  Sweet Girl woke up at 6:45 am. ...

Dear Kiddos, I have always known child abuse exists.  I taught for several years and had to make some tough phone calls reporting parents that suck.  However, until recently I never realized how terribly awful it is.  Recently I had someone share details about a child who was abused.  What I heard will haunt me for weeks.  I hope it haunts me for the rest of my life.  It was awful.  Beyond anything I could imagine.  As I drove home with you guys in the car I cried.  I started to look at my life as a Stay at home mom.  I started to evaluate all the things about my day that drain my energy.  I realized I am so so so blessed.  In so many ways. 1.  I am blessed by the temper tantrums that get thrown.  When you arch your back and drop to the floor in desperation letting out howls of frustration, I am blessed.  For this means you feel safe enough to let your emotions be heard when you don't get your way.  You d...

Dear Sweet Girl, Holy Butt Bongos, you are SIX MONTHS OLD!  I can hardly believe it has been half a year since you were born.  It does not feel that long ago.  However, so much has happened and so much has changed since then.  You lived through your first AZ desert summer.  It was hotter than hot.  Probably hotter for you since you spent all of it in the moby wrap.  You celebrated your brother's 2nd birthday, which you could not have cared less about.  Totally oblivious to it occurring. When I was thinking about writing this I thought, "She could not have changed that much since three months ago."  Boy, was I wrong.  Rolling is now old news.  You roll like crazy.  We unswaddled you much earlier than your brother because you would not stay still when you sleep.  You now sleep in your own room in your own bed.  Your daddy and I find you in the oddest positions.  You roll all over that crib.  You l...

Originally written August 23, 2013 Dear Sweet Girl, I need to apologize. I have been holding a grudge. See you smile, giggle and even laugh for your brother and your daddy. Me I get smiles if I am lucky. I have been a little bitter. I mean I have been your life source for over a year now.  Without me you'd be dead. I am not getting laughs.  My feelings were pretty hurt. Today you even giggled for a stranger. I thought this is it.  This is gonna be the beginning of a wedge between us. Then magic happened.  Tonight you were fussing in your crib, I went in your room in the dark and picked you up. Upon my touch you IMMEDIATELY fell asleep in my hands. I mean out cold, limp arms and legs. And I got it.  I am Momma. I don't entertain you. I am your healer and protector. You have a problem, I fix them everyday, all day. You are hungry, I fix that. You need to be held, I fix that. You are tired, I fix that. You have a dirty dia...

Dear Kiddos, Your Daddy has this phrase that he uses a lot with you guys, "To the confusion of our babies!"  He uses this most often when you guys are crying and we don't know why.  He typically blows in your faces which stops you from crying.  Daddy then shouts, "To the confusion of our babies!"   This leads to my confusion.  If I was crying and someone blew in my face I'd be ticked.  TICKED!  I am already upset I don't need some hot breath adding to the problem.  However, it never seems to make either of you angry.  You just stop crying and are confused.     Most days I feel like you live your life shouting "To the confusion of our Momma".  I can't figure out either one of you.  You both are opinionated and like things the way you like things.  However, I can't figure out why you like things like you like things. Little Man, recently you have decided you love apples.  I think the lov...

Dear Kiddos, Your dad has this crazy friend.  He has a great sense of humor.  He is in many of your Daddy's stories from College, which you will hear when you are much older.  He was in our wedding.  Anyway, he heard about how I am writing you a letter a day and he challenged me to say "Holy Butt Bongos" in every post.  Never one to back down from a challenge, I agreed to try. Your daddy and I have been very blessed when it comes to friends.  We have friends all over the country, from East to West and North to South.  Our friends encourage us, challenge us, make us laugh, go on adventures with us, and have been with us through some bad times. I hope that you find friends that are good for you.  Right now, Daddy and I pick your friends.  We work to surround you with kids who are kind, fun, thoughtful, smart, and creative.  I know the day will come when you will get to pick your own friends.  I hope you pick...

Dear Son, Today we went to someone's house you were not familiar with.  At first you adjusted quite well.  Playing with trucks,  running, playing flashlight tag.  You loved it. Then just as quick as you loved it, you became really uncomfortable.  I mean really uncomfortable.  Clingy, whiny, crying.  It was so weird.  You are never like that.  NEVER.  You wanted to be held and by only me.  You would not take your aunt.  You would not sit at my feet and play.  You wanted to be in my arms and only my arms. Sweet, sweet son, I love you so much.  When you need me I am here.  I am here for you.  I am here to kiss your boo boos.  I am here to hold you when you are nervous.  I am here to comfort you when you are sick or sad.  I am here.   However, there will be times when I can't be there.  Like when you stay with Aunt Abby or in Nursery.  When I am not there, know that...

Dear Kiddos, I hesitate to write this because I don't want to offend anyone.  However, this blog is made for you guys to look back and learn from your life.  So I am writing this to you.  Today I learned a lesson that I want you to remember. Today was a rough day for the three of us.  Sweet Girl, you were up for 2.5 hours crying last night because you are teething.  Little Man, you woke up just as early as ever ready to attack the day and find adventure in every moment.  I was dragging.   Really dragging. As the day progressed and Little Man, you realized you were not going any where, your pent up energy reared it's head in ugly ways.  Pushing your sister over, holding toys just out of her reach, stepping on her hand, etc.  So I figured we have got to get out of the house and burn off some of your energy.  I summoned all my energy and decided on a family walk to the grocery store. I dressed us in crummy clothes because I...