Being Real

It may seem like I am very good at being real.  So much of what I think comes out of my mouth.  I'm pretty raw, unfiltered and unedited, for good or for bad.  But the thing is I really, really like control.  I like my weeks planned out, my days planned out, my meals planned out and I don't like sudden changes of plans.  Then God gave me kids.  I also really like for people to see the side of me I want them to see.  Not the mess.  Then God gave me kids.

When Laura called this morning to tell me Jordyn had a fever, my first instinct was to cancel.  It is too cold to be outside, we have no where to go.  Game over.  I love having people in my home, but when Laura called my entire house looked like this.  

(It was hoe down day for the toys)

Little toys were everywhere.  Choking hazards for crawlers, death traps for new walkers, safe for preschoolers but not for younger kids.  Everything in me screamed, "Cancel!  You don't want people to see this mess!  Cancel!"

I didn't.  I stepped out of my comfort zone and let a group of ladies into my house.  Without my toilets scrubbed or sinks cleaned or everything in it's right place.  I was sweating at the idea.  Arguing with God about why he let Jordyn get sick.  I even said, "People will know what a mess I am." to God.  But I did it.  When the first of the ladies arrived my kids where still in their pajamas, hair was a mess, no food was out, I didn't even know how to make enough coffee for everyone.  I was sweating.

Then more people arrived and this happened.

I had the privilege of sitting with the kids making slime while you guys talked about Jesus in MY HOUSE.  The deep conversations you ladies had blew me away.  Sharing about struggles of being a mom and having an authentic relationship with Jesus, prayer life, finding out we are not alone in potty training, sleepless nights, nap time struggles, messes, etc. etc. etc.  While I listened to you ladies, I teared up.

What if I had said no?  What if I had canceled for fear of people seeing my toilets?  What if I had stayed in my safe bubble so no one would know me?  Oh the blessings that would have been lost.  What else do I miss out on for fear of letting people see me?

After everyone left Jenna and I talked about our prayers and dreams and hopes for us moms at church.  How blessed we are to be in a church like this, where there is a large group of us moms.  We talked about you working moms, school aged moms, new moms, seasoned moms and how we can love each other well.  As we talked I prayed for our hearts and our kids hearts.  Dreaming about the future for our kids.  Talking about how Satan can make us think we are in this alone, no one understands me, my kids are the only ones who do_____, but these thoughts aren't true. 

This verse kept running through my mind today, Hebrews 12:1-2 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

I really want to encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and love eachother well.  I am not going to lie, it is terrifying and sweaty, but oh the blessings.  Oh how wonderful to run this race with an amazing cloud of witnesses that point back to Him.  Step out of your comfort zone and be amazed by what He does.